what is a real man

What is a Real Man? And How Do You Become One?

I was recently asked to define “real men”. What is a real man?

This was probably because of my blog slogan where I put, “Helping Real Men Become Real.”

But it did get me thinking, what is a real man? How would I define one? How would I answer the question posed to me?

I could go to Google or society and see what it says is the definition of a real man. And some of those definitions, I think, would be right.

But my goal in this post is to look at what the Bible says about men and see what we might be able to discern there. What might God say is the definition of a real man?

A good place to start answering the question of what is a real man might be in the book of Titus. Here we have Paul writing to Titus and explaining to Titus how to choose elders, or leaders in his church.

Here is what Paul wrote to Titus. Although written as a guide for choosing leaders, I believe it also helps us to see what God wants for every man.

If any be blameless, the husband of one wife, having faithful children not accused of riot or unruly. For a bishop must be blameless, as the steward of God; not selfwilled, not soon angry, not given to wine, no striker, not given to filthy lucre; But a lover of hospitality, a lover of good men, sober, just, holy, temperate; Holding fast the faithful word as he hath been taught, that he may be able by sound doctrine both to exhort and to convince the gainsayers.
Titus 1:6-9

There a similar list found in 1 Timothy 3, but let’s look at this and see what we can learn.

What is a Real Man When He is Alone?

“…blameless…not given to wine…temperate…holding fast the faithful word…to exhort and convince…”

A real man is blameless in the sense that he always strives to live right.

He is no hypocrite. He has integrity of character so that he is the same man when alone as he is when in a crowd. He has no hidden sin or vices.

He is firm and solid in his belief in God an is able to teach others. This means that a real man studies the Bible, knows what he believes and why he believes it.

Study to show thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth.
2 Timothy 2:15

A real man is a man of prayer in his alone time.

James tells us that “The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.” (James 5:16) A real man spends time on his knees in prayer.

What is a Real Man When He is at Home?

“…the husband of one wife, having faithful children not accused of riot or unruly…a lover of hospitality…temperate…”

A real man is completely and totally devoted to loving his wife, if married. He stays with her, leads her and sacrificially loves her as Christ loves the church (Ephesians 5:25).

Marriage, I believe, is where a real man will meet his greatest challenge in life. Men by nature have great egos and are selfish. It is in marriage where a man must lay himself aside and learn to love as God loves, sacrificially.

And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.
Ephesians 6:4

A real man leads his home in all areas, especially in the area of spiritual growth. He is firm and rightly trains his children to love God and be obedient and respectful.

He spends time reading the Bible and praying with his family.

What is a Real Man When He is at Work?

“…not soon angry…a lover of good men…just…holy…”

A real man is the example in the work place. He is temperate and doesn’t erupt in anger over small, insignificant things.

I once heard someone say, “You can determine the size of a man by the size of the things that make him mad.” If that’s true, I’ve worked around a lot of small men!

A real man spends time around other good men that build him up and encourage him. He doesn’t spend much time around those at work who complain and talk badly about others. He is aware of what influences him.

He is honest with his work. He’s on time and productive. His thoughts and his words are always tested, positive and holy.

What is a Real Man When He is at Church?

“…steward of God; not selfwilled…holding fast the faithful word…”

A real man is a steward of what God has given him, to include his finances. He is obedient to God in his tithes and offerings. He loves to give back as God has given to him.

Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is; but exhorting one another: and so much the more, as ye see the day approaching.
Hebrews 10:25

He is committed and faithful to his local church and is serving in some capacity based upon the gifts and talents that God has given him.

A real man is attentive in church and studies God’s word so that he can become a better man himself, and so he can use his knowledge to impact others.

How to Become a Real Man?

While all men fail, I believe the overall characteristic of a real man’s life will picture what we just looked at here in the book of Titus.

It’s a tall order and I doubt that any man measures up to what God expects. But I’m thankful that God is faithful and forgiving and helps us to grow, if we ask Him. (1 John 1:9)

The first step in becoming a real man is asking God to forgive you and to save you. Because, if you are not saved your life cannot fulfill what God requires of you. You must first take care of the sin problem.

If you would like to know more about how to be saved, please reach out to me and I’d be happy to share with you what the Bible really says about salvation.

If you are saved, ask God to help you to become the man that He wants you to be. If you would like to talk to me about anything, please reach out.

A great resource to help you become a better man is my free ebook, 7 Keys to Break Free from Habitual Sin. While you may not have any specific habitual sin in your life, this book will help you to grow in other areas. Enter your name and email at DougAllison.com (or on this page) and I’ll send you your free copy right away!


Doug is a retired U.S. Air Force veteran who enjoys computers and technical gadgets. He serves God in his local church in the audio/video ministry. He holds an Advanced Diploma of Biblical Studies from Faith Bible Institute. Doug and his wife, Emily, have been married since 1989 and have successfully raised three children. It is his desire to impact young Christian men.

“I believe that most men are not living up to the potential that God has for them and I want to help them to find their purpose, grow spiritually and impact other men for Christ.”

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1 comment

Dale Allison

Great words Doug. Keep up the good work. This shows you have have given much thought tomyour ideas and statements.
Love ❤️ dad

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