marriage

Do Good and Fear No Man: Biblical-Based Success Principles

Do Good and Fear No Man: Biblical-Based Success Principles

The United States military builds some of the most incredible leaders in life. Do Good and Fear No Man, Life Lessons from a Career in the US Marines, is a book by one such leader.

He has shown himself to be a man who is faithful in his service to God, his family and his country.

I have the pleasure of knowing the author, Lieutenant Colonel David W. Pinion, U.S. Marine Corps, because of our service in church together. I was surprised the day that I learned that he had published a book.

Of course, I had to grab a copy right away! If a friend writes a book, you buy a copy, right?

Want to live a more prosperous life? Looking for secrets to impact the lives of people around you? Do you desire to become a better leader? A better husband? A better father?

This book will go a long way in moving you in the right direction.

Do Good and Fear No Man started as a project to give to the author’s children.

LtCol Pinion shares his thoughts on the frailty of life when serving in the military and what he would want his children to know should he not return home from a deployment.

“I try not to take anything for granted and am thankful for things as simple as the air in my lungs, my ability to walk across the room, and the ability to hold a thought in my head.”
LtCol David W. Pinion, Do Good and Fear No Man

do good and fear no man book coverFrom the moment I opened to cover, I could feel the heart of the author and a sense of love as he wrote the words. Very much like a father writing to his children, or even a grandfather who wants to pass on truths to his grandchildren.

The writing is certainly not condescending, though. LtCol Pinion will challenge you in the area of faith, your actions toward others and your thoughts of success and prosperity.

It can be read from cover to cover, yet be used as a reference book to look up guidance for specific situations in life.

There is even a list of 299 habits of success.

Do Good and Fear No Man is easy to read, but it won’t be easy putting the lessons into practice. As he mentions in Chapter 2, “Maturity, be it spiritual, emotional, physical or intellectual, doesn’t not just happen; it must be sought after.”

LtCol Pinion shares snippets of his experiences in the Marine Corps, hence the subtitle, Life Lessons from a Career in the US Marines.

In fact, my favorite part of the book are the two epilogues included. These epilogues detail events that happened in Fallujah, Iraq from the perspective of two different military leaders; one of them is the author. These alone are worth the price of the book!

“Life can be incredibly painful and unfair at times, but a lot will be decided on how you choose to react to the obstacles you encounter.”
LtCol David W. Pinion, Do Good and Fear No Man

Throughout the book, you will find quotes from from other authors, lots of Bible and other supporting references. It’s obvious that LtCol Pinion has taken great care to detail all of his sources.

Do Good and Fear No Man is a practical success book from a biblical perspective.

It is packed with life lessons, guiding principles and even practical resources like websites to teach you how to change a tire and recommended books to read.

If you have a desire to become a better person tomorrow than you are today, Do Good and Fear No Man is a great resource for you.

Click here to order your copy from Amazon.

While you’re at it, pick up a few copies for gifts to important people in your life!

You can follow LtCol Pinion on his Facebook page at the following link:
https://www.facebook.com/DoGoodandFearNoMan

Please share this post with others so that we can help LtCol Pinion make an impact on more people through this great book of his!

 

Doug is a retired U.S. Air Force veteran who enjoys computers and technical gadgets. He serves God in his local church in the audio/video ministry. He holds an Advanced Diploma of Biblical Studies from Faith Bible Institute. Doug and his wife, Emily, have been married since 1989 and have successfully raised three children. It is his desire to impact young Christian men.

“I believe that most men are not living up to the potential that God has for them and I want to help them to find their purpose, grow spiritually and impact other men for Christ.”

Posted by Doug Allison in Personal Development, 0 comments
Marriage Tips: Lessons Learned After 28 Years of Marriage

Marriage Tips: Lessons Learned After 28 Years of Marriage

I would say that my wife, Emily, and I have built a successful marriage.

We just celebrated our 28th wedding anniversary in May (2017 as I write this). We have raised three children who are all doing well in life. And we are enjoying grandchildren now, too!

We really don’t fight or have too many misunderstandings anymore. Our love grows with each additional anniversary celebrated.

Does that mean that we’ve had no problems? No fights? No misunderstandings?

Absolutely not!

But I think, after 28 years, I’ve learned a few things that I can pass on.

I’d like to give a few marriage tips to some of you younger, married men. And, if you’re not married yet, take notes for the future.

Here are few key marriage tips that I would like to pass on to you. Just a few of the many things that I’ve learned.

1) A woman’s greatest need is love.

1989: Wedding Day

A man’s greatest need is respect. A woman’s greatest need is love.

That’s why we read in Ephesians 5:33, “Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.”

Men are selfish by nature and we need to learn to push that aside, humble ourselves and learn to love our wives. Ask God to help you to love your wife as He wants you to. It’s a much higher, sacrificial love than we’re capable of alone.

A great book to help with this is The 5 Love Languages. From this book, I learned that not all people feel or show love in the same way. Learn what makes your wife feel loved and focus on that “language”.

Loving your wife also means keeping your focus on her alone, not someone else. Satan will try to make you feel dissatisfied with your wife. Send him packing and get back to loving your wife!

2) Learn to say, “I’m sorry!”

I can’t tell you how many times in 28 years that I have apologized to my wife for things I’ve said, done or not said or not done!

1996: In the US Air Force

Again, this takes humility. Put your ego aside and let your wife know that your marriage relationship–she–is more important than your pride.

I know. I can sense the next question or statement… “Yeah, but I was right! I’m not going to apologize for something that I didn’t do!”

Be careful! “Only by pride cometh contention…” (Prov 13:10)

That’s the attitude of a worldly man, not a real man. And men that I have known with that attitude have not built successful marriages. In fact, those that I’ve met are either miserably married, or divorced.

Jesus did absolutely nothing wrong. He was sinless. Yet, while on the cross he asked the Father to, “forgive them; for they know not what they do.”

Wow! What a standard of humility to work into our lives!

3) Don’t stop dating.

Even after my wife and I had children, we still dated. There is something called a babysitter! Hire one and take your wife out. Just you two, no kids.

Remember, you’ll be married much longer than you’ll have kids in the house. Work on building that strong marriage relationship with your wife. Otherwise, after the kids all leave, you’ll be wondering what happened and why you don’t know each other!

Six years ago, the last of our kids left the house for college. My wife and I both have our own jobs, but we still have our date nights.

Get out and enjoy life together. Talk about deep things that are meaningful, not just surface “how was your day” stuff.

4) Attend Church & Pray Together

2008: Growing a Beard!

This might be the biggest of all the marriage tips that I can give.

Serving together in church, I believe, is a huge reason that my wife and I have a strong and happy marriage.

This assumes, of course, that you’re attending church. If not, get into church. I know there are people out there that don’t think church is important. They’re wrong. Read Hebrews 10:25.

I believe that God blesses individuals who are faithful to a strong, bible-believing, bible-preaching church. He blesses the married couple who serves and attends church together as well.

If the pastor of your church preaches the whole counsel of God, you can believe that you’ll get plenty of marriage counseling right from the pulpit!

Get the counseling from God’s word through preaching and put it into practice. You’ll be amazed how God can work on you and your wife to build a stronger marriage.

Praying together will knit your hearts together like nothing else. When of you are in agreement and praying for your family and each other, it builds a marriage more than anything else you can do.

Final Thoughts

I have many more marriage tips, but I’ll have to give those out in another post some time later.

These may just be a few, but I know that they will help you.

Trust me, I’ve done a lot of things wrong over the last 28 years and I’m thankful to a wife who has been forgiving and allowed me to grow. (Something that I think she learned from attending church and listening to God’s word being preached.)

I hope you get some wisdom from what I’ve shared here and use it to help you.

Please comment below and let me know what your biggest take away is!

Then share this with other men that you know so we can help other marriages grow stronger. Use the social media buttons!

 

Doug is a retired U.S. Air Force veteran who enjoys computers and technical gadgets. He serves God in his local church in the audio/video ministry. He holds an Advanced Diploma of Biblical Studies from Faith Bible Institute. Doug and his wife, Emily, have been married since 1989 and have successfully raised three children. It is his desire to impact young Christian men.

“I believe that most men are not living up to the potential that God has for them and I want to help them to find their purpose, grow spiritually and impact other men for Christ.”

Posted by Doug Allison in Marriage, 4 comments
What is a Real Man? And How Do You Become One?

What is a Real Man? And How Do You Become One?

I was recently asked to define “real men”. What is a real man?

This was probably because of my blog slogan where I put, “Helping Real Men Become Real.”

But it did get me thinking, what is a real man? How would I define one? How would I answer the question posed to me?

I could go to Google or society and see what it says is the definition of a real man. And some of those definitions, I think, would be right.

But my goal in this post is to look at what the Bible says about men and see what we might be able to discern there. What might God say is the definition of a real man?

A good place to start answering the question of what is a real man might be in the book of Titus. Here we have Paul writing to Titus and explaining to Titus how to choose elders, or leaders in his church.

Here is what Paul wrote to Titus. Although written as a guide for choosing leaders, I believe it also helps us to see what God wants for every man.

If any be blameless, the husband of one wife, having faithful children not accused of riot or unruly. For a bishop must be blameless, as the steward of God; not selfwilled, not soon angry, not given to wine, no striker, not given to filthy lucre; But a lover of hospitality, a lover of good men, sober, just, holy, temperate; Holding fast the faithful word as he hath been taught, that he may be able by sound doctrine both to exhort and to convince the gainsayers.
Titus 1:6-9

There a similar list found in 1 Timothy 3, but let’s look at this and see what we can learn.

What is a Real Man When He is Alone?

“…blameless…not given to wine…temperate…holding fast the faithful word…to exhort and convince…”

A real man is blameless in the sense that he always strives to live right.

He is no hypocrite. He has integrity of character so that he is the same man when alone as he is when in a crowd. He has no hidden sin or vices.

He is firm and solid in his belief in God an is able to teach others. This means that a real man studies the Bible, knows what he believes and why he believes it.

Study to show thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth.
2 Timothy 2:15

A real man is a man of prayer in his alone time.

James tells us that “The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.” (James 5:16) A real man spends time on his knees in prayer.

What is a Real Man When He is at Home?

“…the husband of one wife, having faithful children not accused of riot or unruly…a lover of hospitality…temperate…”

A real man is completely and totally devoted to loving his wife, if married. He stays with her, leads her and sacrificially loves her as Christ loves the church (Ephesians 5:25).

Marriage, I believe, is where a real man will meet his greatest challenge in life. Men by nature have great egos and are selfish. It is in marriage where a man must lay himself aside and learn to love as God loves, sacrificially.

And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.
Ephesians 6:4

A real man leads his home in all areas, especially in the area of spiritual growth. He is firm and rightly trains his children to love God and be obedient and respectful.

He spends time reading the Bible and praying with his family.

What is a Real Man When He is at Work?

“…not soon angry…a lover of good men…just…holy…”

A real man is the example in the work place. He is temperate and doesn’t erupt in anger over small, insignificant things.

I once heard someone say, “You can determine the size of a man by the size of the things that make him mad.” If that’s true, I’ve worked around a lot of small men!

A real man spends time around other good men that build him up and encourage him. He doesn’t spend much time around those at work who complain and talk badly about others. He is aware of what influences him.

He is honest with his work. He’s on time and productive. His thoughts and his words are always tested, positive and holy.

What is a Real Man When He is at Church?

“…steward of God; not selfwilled…holding fast the faithful word…”

A real man is a steward of what God has given him, to include his finances. He is obedient to God in his tithes and offerings. He loves to give back as God has given to him.

Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is; but exhorting one another: and so much the more, as ye see the day approaching.
Hebrews 10:25

He is committed and faithful to his local church and is serving in some capacity based upon the gifts and talents that God has given him.

A real man is attentive in church and studies God’s word so that he can become a better man himself, and so he can use his knowledge to impact others.

How to Become a Real Man?

While all men fail, I believe the overall characteristic of a real man’s life will picture what we just looked at here in the book of Titus.

It’s a tall order and I doubt that any man measures up to what God expects. But I’m thankful that God is faithful and forgiving and helps us to grow, if we ask Him. (1 John 1:9)

The first step in becoming a real man is asking God to forgive you and to save you. Because, if you are not saved your life cannot fulfill what God requires of you. You must first take care of the sin problem.

If you would like to know more about how to be saved, please reach out to me and I’d be happy to share with you what the Bible really says about salvation.

If you are saved, ask God to help you to become the man that He wants you to be. If you would like to talk to me about anything, please reach out.

A great resource to help you become a better man is my free ebook, 7 Keys to Break Free from Habitual Sin. While you may not have any specific habitual sin in your life, this book will help you to grow in other areas. Enter your name and email at DougAllison.com (or on this page) and I’ll send you your free copy right away!

 

Doug is a retired U.S. Air Force veteran who enjoys computers and technical gadgets. He serves God in his local church in the audio/video ministry. He holds an Advanced Diploma of Biblical Studies from Faith Bible Institute. Doug and his wife, Emily, have been married since 1989 and have successfully raised three children. It is his desire to impact young Christian men.

“I believe that most men are not living up to the potential that God has for them and I want to help them to find their purpose, grow spiritually and impact other men for Christ.”

Posted by Doug Allison in Personal Development, 1 comment

Boundaries in Marriage: How Men Can Build Walls That Protect

 

Setting boundaries in marriage is something that we need to establish and it should start as early as the day we say, “I do.”

Think of your marriage as a castle and the boundaries as the walls. You want those walls to be strong and solid to keep the enemy out of your territory or you will be overrun.

There is an enemy out there, men, who is at war to utterly destroy you and your marriage.

Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour: (1 Peter 5:8)

Setting boundaries in marriage will strengthen those walls of defense to help life to be peaceful inside while you keep the evil outside.

Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life. (Proverbs 4:23)

knightThat word keep is a military term and it means to guard, to maintain a post and watch for the enemy. It takes a commitment and it takes action.

When the Bible speaks of the heart, it’s talking about our mind, our will and our emotions. The inner parts of our being that make us who we are.

So we must set a guard and keep watch over our heart because it’s the inner self that will bring forth all the pain, or joy in our life.

A good man out of the good treasure of the heart bringeth forth good things: and an evil man out of the evil treasure bringeth forth evil things. (Matthew 15:18)

So we need to set boundaries in marriage, keep our heart and build those walls of protection.

Here are a few boundaries that I suggest you include.

Boundaries in Marriage: Stay Accountable

The first boundary, and probably the most important one that I’ll offer here, is to be accountable to your wife. Always be open, honest and transparent in your marriage relationship.

Keep your wife informed about where you are at all times. Let her know your schedule, where you will be and when you will be there.

This will set a standard that your wife will learn and expect. It will give her peace and make her feel safe.

It will also be a warning sign to her if you begin to stop being so open. If you start to become closed to her and start hiding your activity, she will notice. Let her know that if she ever feels that way, she is to confront you and help you to maintain those strong defenses.

I have heard too many men tell me that they can go do what they want and they don’t feel they should have to consult their wife or even tell her what they’re doing or where they going. “I don’t have to tell my wife when I’m coming home!”

While that man may feel like he’s beating his chest and being a “real man”, in reality, his castle’s defense is weak and he could easily find it crumbling apart one day.

Real men keep their defenses up and protect their territory by staying open and honest with their wives.

Boundaries in Marriage: Stay Alert

The heart, as talked about in Proverbs, includes our mind.

Men, we must stay alert. We need to be aware that we are influenced by what we see. And the enemy that wants to destroy our marriages has placed landmines all over. Be watchful, be alert.

You can be checking out at the store and BOOM! there’s a landmine, a magazine cover.

You can be driving and pull up next to another car and BOOM! there’s a landmine sitting in that car.

You can be on the computer and BOOM! there’s a landmine right inside your own castle walls, an ad or a social media profile picture.

Turn your eyes away. Change where you shop, if you can. Whatever it takes, set up those boundaries in marriage to protect.

Set boundaries that keep you clear of anything that would distract, entice or make your mind wander. You need to stay alert, aware and on the defense at all times.

Boundaries in Marriage: Stay Away

Don’t put yourself in a position of weakness at anytime around another woman.

Make a boundary that you will never be alone with another woman in a car, a room, at lunch or anywhere else. If at all possible, always have other people with you. If possible, include your wife!

If another woman must email or text message you for work or even for church related business, insist that she include your wife on the message. Again, stay open and transparent with your wife at all times.

Stay away from any form of entertainment that would cause you to focus on any other woman except your wife. This might include certain restaurants or shopping areas, movies, books or TV shows.

Set the boundaries and commit to keep them strong.

In the Bible, Joseph had boundaries and he kept them strong. When he faced temptation, he turned aside and ran.

David, on the other hand, let his boundaries slide and he found himself where he should not have been.

Set those strong boundaries in marriage, guard your heart, protect your castle and be a real man who builds a strong marriage.

Doug is a retired U.S. Air Force veteran who enjoys computers and technical gadgets. He serves God in his local church in the audio/video ministry. He holds an Advanced Diploma of Biblical Studies from Faith Bible Institute. Doug and his wife, Emily, have been married since 1989 and have successfully raised three children. It is his desire to impact young Christian men.

“I believe that most men are not living up to the potential that God has for them and I want to help them to find their purpose, grow spiritually and impact other men for Christ.”

Posted by Doug Allison in Marriage, 0 comments
How to Be a Better Husband and Have a Happy Marriage

How to Be a Better Husband and Have a Happy Marriage

God has a lot to say about marriage and how to be a better husband. He wants you to have a prosperous and happy marriage.

So why is it that many couples never accomplish that goal of a happy marriage? Why is it that there are so many problems in marriages today?

I’m going to make a pretty bold statement here and I hope you’ll stay with me, men. I will go on to explain details later, but I want to give you what you need to hear. Are you ready?

Your marriage is in the condition it is right now because of you.

Ouch? Did I lose anyone?

For you serious men that are still with me, read that statement again. Agree with it and accept that responsibility. Because, if you want to be a better husband and have a happy marriage, then you need to start taking responsibility for your marriage.

If you’re not ready for that, then stop reading now and go back to your video games, movies, TV shows, drinking or whatever vice you have, and accept that your marriage just isn’t going to get any better. I’m sorry, but I can’t help you.

But if you’re man enough to accept that statement, and understand what God’s word says to you about your marriage, I believe that you can learn how to be a better husband and have a happy marriage.

No one will ever arrive at the destination of being the perfect husband. It will require daily work on your part to continue to grow and it will be hard. There will always be resistance in life when you choose to grow in the right direction.

Let’s see what we can learn from the book of Ephesians:

Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God. Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
Ephesians 5:21-25

I believe that if we learn and follow what is taught here, we will grow and have an impact on our wives and our marriages.

How to Be a Better Husband: Learn to Lean

Paul talks about the marriage relationship after a discussion of our relationship with God and others. Chapter 5 in Ephesians begins with, “Be ye therefore followers of God.” He then talks about submission to each other in verse 21.

Men don’t like to submit. Our ego and our pride wants to rise up and say, “I’m my own man. I can do what I want. I’m in charge around here!”

God tells us that we need to learn to lean; to submit. Submission isn’t weakness, it’s strength and power that can be directed and used.

horseA horse is an extremely powerful animal. It’s estimated that one could pull three times it’s weight! Horses are used for so many tasks because of their strength and abilities. They are valuable because they submit and we can use them.

What if we couldn’t train a horse? What if they were so wild that we couldn’t use them? What if they wouldn’t submit to us? Then all of that power and strength would be completely wasted and unusable.

If we are to be a better husband, then God says we need to follow Him and we need to submit to His leadership in our lives so that we can be what we were intended.

That means spending time in God’s word and asking Him in prayer to guide us, strengthen us and grow us into the men we need to be. It’s only when we submit to God, lean on Him and other godly leadership in our lives that we will grow.

How to Be a Better Husband: Learn to Lead

Continuing in our verses in Ephesians, we read, “For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church.”

couple fightingYes! Now we’re talking, right? God says I’m the head of the wife so I’m going to tell her how it’s going to be! I’m the God-appointed leader and she better get in line.

Don’t forget to read that last part of the verse where it clearly defines our responsibility and the type of leadership that we provide. It says, “even as Christ is the head of the church.”

We need to learn to lead in our marriage as Christ leads the church.

I don’t believe there’s a better example of servant leadership than Jesus Christ. His life, while here on Earth, was full of service to others. He met spiritual needs as well as emotional and physical needs.

You may be meeting the financial needs of your wife, but are you meeting the other needs as well? Are you leading in that area?

Be the spiritual leader of your marriage. Attend church faithfully and serve together in your local church. Read the Bible and pray together with your wife; share with her what you are learning as you read and study on your own.

Meet your wife’s emotional needs. Our wives are emotional beings. God created them that way and it’s part of their strength. She needs you to spend time listening to her whether it’s related to work, family or anything else. Hold her when she needs it  and be understanding of her concerns.

Put the physical needs of your wife above your own. If you’re allowing images of other women to satisfy your own sexual desires rather than focusing on your wife, then you’re putting your desires first, and you’re planting the seeds of destruction in your marriage. Keep your focus on your wife.

Learn to lead as Christ leads. He’s the model, not earthly men.

True leadership isn’t “telling her the way it’s going to be”. True leadership is saying, “I’m following and trusting God, so you can confidently follow and trust me.”

How to Be a Better Husband: Learn to Love

Finally, Paul writes, “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it.”

It’s interesting that God tells the man to love his wife, but He doesn’t tell the woman that. He tells the woman to reverence, or respect, her husband.

He tells the woman to respect her husband because that’s her husband’s greatest need. He tells the man to love his wife because that’s her greatest need.

God knows that He doesn’t have to command us to do what we do by nature. He has to instruct us to do what isn’t natural for us. And men need help in the area of loving others.

Men love themselves by nature. We do, just admit it. Our natural focus is on us and our needs. That’s why God tells us later, in verse 33, that a husband should “love his wife even as himself”.

I have to admit, that when I really came to grips with the type of love that I was to have for my wife, I felt horribly inadequate. Think about it, verse 25 tells me that I’m to love my wife “as Christ loved the church, and gave himself for it.”

That’s a level of sacrificial love that I’m not sure I can ever attain. But I’m commanded to, so I better make it a life-long commitment to learning how to love her that way.

Ask God daily to help you love your wife the way that He’s commanded you to do so. When he speaks to your heart (and I believe that he will) and gives you thoughts and ideas, act on them. You’ll become better and your marriage will be happier.

 

 

Summary and Resources

Earlier, I made the statement that the condition of your marriage is because of you. I believe that God has given men the responsibility to be the head, to lead. If you build properly, according to God’s design, then your marriage can prosper as God desires.

Want to know how to be a better husband and how to have a happy marriage? Follow God’s direction as found in Ephesians 5 and learn to lean, learn to lead and learn to love.

If you’d like to learn more about how to be a better husband and improve your marriage relationship, here are a couple of books that have really helped me:

The Five Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts
by Gary D. Chapman

A Faith Full Marriage: Building a Lifetime of Love on Biblical Principles
Paul Chappell

If this has helped you, please comment below and share it using the social media buttons on the page.

Let’s work together to have an impact on the lives of men while we grow ourselves.

Doug is a retired U.S. Air Force veteran who enjoys computers and technical gadgets. He serves God in his local church in the audio/video ministry. He holds an Advanced Diploma of Biblical Studies from Faith Bible Institute. Doug and his wife, Emily, have been married since 1989 and have successfully raised three children. It is his desire to impact young Christian men.

“I believe that most men are not living up to the potential that God has for them and I want to help them to find their purpose, grow spiritually and impact other men for Christ.”

Posted by Doug Allison in Marriage, 1 comment