Boundaries in Marriage: How Men Can Build Walls That Protect


Setting boundaries in marriage is something that we need to establish and it should start as early as the day we say, “I do.”

Think of your marriage as a castle and the boundaries as the walls. You want those walls to be strong and solid to keep the enemy out of your territory or you will be overrun.

There is an enemy out there, men, who is at war to utterly destroy you and your marriage.

Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour: (1 Peter 5:8)

Setting boundaries in marriage will strengthen those walls of defense to help life to be peaceful inside while you keep the evil outside.

Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life. (Proverbs 4:23)

knightThat word keep is a military term and it means to guard, to maintain a post and watch for the enemy. It takes a commitment and it takes action.

When the Bible speaks of the heart, it’s talking about our mind, our will and our emotions. The inner parts of our being that make us who we are.

So we must set a guard and keep watch over our heart because it’s the inner self that will bring forth all the pain, or joy in our life.

A good man out of the good treasure of the heart bringeth forth good things: and an evil man out of the evil treasure bringeth forth evil things. (Matthew 15:18)

So we need to set boundaries in marriage, keep our heart and build those walls of protection.

Here are a few boundaries that I suggest you include.

Boundaries in Marriage: Stay Accountable

The first boundary, and probably the most important one that I’ll offer here, is to be accountable to your wife. Always be open, honest and transparent in your marriage relationship.

Keep your wife informed about where you are at all times. Let her know your schedule, where you will be and when you will be there.

This will set a standard that your wife will learn and expect. It will give her peace and make her feel safe.

It will also be a warning sign to her if you begin to stop being so open. If you start to become closed to her and start hiding your activity, she will notice. Let her know that if she ever feels that way, she is to confront you and help you to maintain those strong defenses.

I have heard too many men tell me that they can go do what they want and they don’t feel they should have to consult their wife or even tell her what they’re doing or where they going. “I don’t have to tell my wife when I’m coming home!”

While that man may feel like he’s beating his chest and being a “real man”, in reality, his castle’s defense is weak and he could easily find it crumbling apart one day.

Real men keep their defenses up and protect their territory by staying open and honest with their wives.

Boundaries in Marriage: Stay Alert

The heart, as talked about in Proverbs, includes our mind.

Men, we must stay alert. We need to be aware that we are influenced by what we see. And the enemy that wants to destroy our marriages has placed landmines all over. Be watchful, be alert.

You can be checking out at the store and BOOM! there’s a landmine, a magazine cover.

You can be driving and pull up next to another car and BOOM! there’s a landmine sitting in that car.

You can be on the computer and BOOM! there’s a landmine right inside your own castle walls, an ad or a social media profile picture.

Turn your eyes away. Change where you shop, if you can. Whatever it takes, set up those boundaries in marriage to protect.

Set boundaries that keep you clear of anything that would distract, entice or make your mind wander. You need to stay alert, aware and on the defense at all times.

Boundaries in Marriage: Stay Away

Don’t put yourself in a position of weakness at anytime around another woman.

Make a boundary that you will never be alone with another woman in a car, a room, at lunch or anywhere else. If at all possible, always have other people with you. If possible, include your wife!

If another woman must email or text message you for work or even for church related business, insist that she include your wife on the message. Again, stay open and transparent with your wife at all times.

Stay away from any form of entertainment that would cause you to focus on any other woman except your wife. This might include certain restaurants or shopping areas, movies, books or TV shows.

Set the boundaries and commit to keep them strong.

In the Bible, Joseph had boundaries and he kept them strong. When he faced temptation, he turned aside and ran.

David, on the other hand, let his boundaries slide and he found himself where he should not have been.

Set those strong boundaries in marriage, guard your heart, protect your castle and be a real man who builds a strong marriage.

Doug is a retired U.S. Air Force veteran who enjoys computers and technical gadgets. He serves God in his local church in the audio/video ministry. He holds an Advanced Diploma of Biblical Studies from Faith Bible Institute. Doug and his wife, Emily, have been married since 1989 and have successfully raised three children. It is his desire to impact young Christian men.

“I believe that most men are not living up to the potential that God has for them and I want to help them to find their purpose, grow spiritually and impact other men for Christ.”

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